Mother's hold their children's hands for a while, but their hearts forever

This is my mom, the most wonderful person in the world. Seriously! I love this lady. I want to be like her when I grow up, I always have. She'll never admit it, but she's wonder woman. She can do anything. I talk to my mom almost everyday about almost anything. In the last few weeks I've been talking to her a lot more than usual, since my dad is gone working in Oklahoma. It feels good to give back to my mom in just a little way, since she's given me so much. I love her so much and she's been a fantastic example for me and all my siblings.

Attitude Adjustment

I just wanna say right off the bat that I LOVE MY HUSBAND! Matt is amazing. seriously, the greatest ever. But sometimes I forget that. It's not his fault, he never ceases to be amazing. It's just that sometimes I let my own pride get in the way of seeing the wonderful man that he is. Example: Today I was unloading the dishwasher and when I opened it I saw how he had put things in there and immediately my thought was, "Gah! He loaded the dishwasher wrong! He totally could have fit more in here!" But then I caught myself and thought, "Wait a minute Brynn! He loaded the dishwasher for you, not because he had to, but because he knew that you've been having a stressful week student teaching. And it wasn't just once that he did it! He's done it all week!" It's a small way for him to serve me and here I was criticizing him for it, shame on me!

Matt is constantly doing things for me that he knows that I hate doing. Like the dishes and laundry. These aren't things that he enjoys doing, but he does them because he loves me. I started thinking about the things that I do for him just because I love him and sadly my list so short. Lots of the things I do because I enjoy them and they have the added benefit of Matt being happy. One of the things that I'm trying to work on this year is doing things not for myself, but for others. So today I made an effort to do something special just for Matt. Matt loves blueberry muffins. I do not. The other day I found blue berries on sale so I got some. Then today I made Matt blue berry muffins. It was so fun to make something for him that I knew that he would enjoy and I enjoyed getting to make them. I'm pretty sure that I enjoyed making them more than I normally would because I was making them for him.

When I was in middle school and high school my parents would tell me pretty often that I needed an attitude adjustment, and being the snotty teenager that I was, I thought they were crazy and I was fine the way I was, they were the ones who needed to change. In all reality I was often in need of an attitude adjustment, I still am. Sometimes I get stuck in my bad moods and I just can't see the beauty and wonder that surrounds me every single day. It's been worse the last 2 months...But every day Matt will tell me how much he loves me and how beautiful I am. Of course I tell him the same thing back. These small things help me to see how lucky I am and they remind me that I really do love him, which is a wonderful thing. I think about how much I love him and I remember that I'm sealed to him for time and all eternity. ETERNITY. Such a wonderful thing. I have so much more time to become the perfect wife that he thinks I am, I don't have to be perfect right now. But I should be striving for it.

Sorry if this is a little jumbled and doesn't flow well, but it's what's been on my mind all day!

Student Teaching= Exhaustion

Last week, on Wednesday, I started my student teaching. Let me tell you about it. Lots of people think teachers have easy jobs, that they just sit behind their desks and tell people to do work, and then grade it. That's not how it is. I've been getting up before 6 am, which is way early for me, and I haven't left the school before 4, and school get's out at 2:15. Even days( periods 2,4, 6& 8) aren't bad, because I only teach 1 class. But Odd days are crazy! I teach 3 classes of World Civilizations to sophomores and juniors. Period 1 is hard because everyone is tired and dozing off, so class has to be engaging. Period 3, oh man. This class is totally full, 35 students, 10 of which are special education students. There are 4 adults in the class, and it still seems overwhelming. Then is planning and lunch. And then comes 7th period. Holy cow. That class is enough to make anyone want to pull their hair out. The class if full of students who are extremely chatty, and it's right after lunch and the last class of the day. Remember how in high school right after lunch you were still on a sugar high from all the stuff you had just eaten, and remember how the last half hour or so of school was spent counting down until the end of the day? now imagine that all in the same period. Yeah, it's pretty much barley controlled chaos. But amid all the craziness I love it! The kids are sweet, they're funny, they're brats, they're slackers, they're over-achievers. I love them already. I'm so excited to have my own classes with kids that will come to me and ask questions, not to my mentor teacher. The new semester starts next Tuesday, and the class will be all mine. I can't even begin to describe how excited i am to start. The subject may not be my favorite, but teaching is.I may come home totally and completely exhausted, but it's worth it. This semester is going to be the hardest semester I've ever had, but it's going to be the very best!

Sometimes You Just Have To Learn To Accept Lemons

First off I just have to say "Thank You" to everyone who has expressed concern and love to Matt and I over the last week. It has been a roller coaster of emotions, but we are starting to feel better.
My mom was able to rearrange her work schedule so she could come out and be with me for the first part of the week, since Matt had finals until Wednesday night and I didn't want to stress him out. It was so nice to have her here so that he could focus on school and not have to worry about me. It was also really nice because she kept me busy and didn't let me get bored. If I get bored then I start thinking and I get sad and start crying. Mom and I decided to make carseat covers so that she could take them to work and sell them, because a lot of the girls there want them to give as gifts. So we went to JoAnns to get fabric, and while we were there I saw someone with the carseat that I had picked out (it was the first time I'd ever seen anyone with it) and I almost started crying. Mom had to remind me that it was ok, and that this will happen for us at sometime, right now just wasn't that time. I've decided that while I can't find any reason to like what has happened I just have to accept it. I can't change it. But I can change the way I react to it. I've just had to look for the positives where I can find them. Things like, now I can take Ibuprofen, I can have blue cheese on my salad, and milk products don't make me sick. Small things that I was perfectly willing to sacrifice, but they are things that I missed. So I'll take joy in those and maybe learn accept what has happened as a part of God's plan for me.

Life Can Change In An Instant

It is amazing how quickly life can change...Friday morning I was having a great day. I had finished my 20 page capstone paper and it was pretty darn good, I think. My Geography final was over, all I had left for finals week were a few small assignments. None of this has changed at all, yet it doesn't seem as important. The biggest change is that Friday morning I was daydreaming about getting to hear my baby's heart beat later that day. But that moment never came. Instead I found out that my baby had died, and that I would be miscarrying. To say that Matt and I were devastated would be a gross understatement. We both felt so incredibly empty inside, it was like a part of our hearts had been ripped out. We were disappointed, we were sad, we were mad, we were confused, we were a whole lot of every negative emotion known to man. We had been so excited to be parents. It was a dream come true for us. We had felt such a strong feeling from Heavenly Father that we needed to start our family, and then to loose that opportunity felt like we'd had the rug pulled out from under our feet. We had been so excited about eventually getting to meet this little one, who had become very real to us. Even though the baby was still little and I wasn't really showing much, this child was real to us, it was our baby. It was a little bit of me and a little bit of Matt, it was us. In one moment that was gone. We were never going to get to hold this little one, we weren't going to get to gaze at him or her and try to come up with a name. So many dreams were gone. In their place were so many tears. All Friday afternoon was filled with tears.Without a doubt this is the hardest trial Matt and I have ever gone through,together or by ourselves.
But we know that with each other and our Heavenly Father we can make it through this. He has showed us that he cares for us in so many ways already. If I had ever had any doubt about Him knowing who I am and loving me, those doubts are gone. I know without a doubt that my Heavenly Father knows me personally and knows what I can and cannot do. He knows what I need and he puts things in place so I can have them. He knew that this was going to happen, He knew that I would need to see my family, especially my mom. So he put a youth temple trip in place for mom and dad's ward this weekend. He made it possible so that I wouldn't have any finals during finals week so that I could handle this without the added stress of a miscarriage. He knew that I would need something to distract me from my own trials, so He inspired our bishop to call me to be the Relief Society President. He knew I would need someone to lean on, but that it would need to be someone other than Matt, at least until his finals are done, so He made it possible for my mom to come and stay with me. HE KNOWS ME! HE LOVES ME!He has inspired me to find scriptures that I need. He has blessed me to have men in my life who hold the priesthood who can give me blessings. He has blessed me with an added measure of the spirit. This is not an easy trial to go through, but the help of Heavenly Father, our families, our friends, and our ward, we will be able to get through this. One day at a time, One moment at a time. I know that someday Matt and I will be blessed with children, now just wasn't the right time. And maybe, I needed this trial to show me that I can't go through life on my own. I need to rely on my Heavenly Father and turn to the scriptures more. I have no doubt that I am going to grow stronger in the gospel because of this. That is something I guess I can be grateful for in this time when being grateful is difficult. As hard as it will be to count my blessings this Christmas season, I know that I have so many things to be grateful for. I am going to strive to focus on those things, and on the ways that I can grow from this trial, instead of wallowing about my sorrows.

Married White Female, From a Small Town in Western Colorado

Cultural Diorama Assignment: Identify 3 Artifacts that represent you.

Kitchen Aid Mixer-

This is the center of my kitchen, I often use it to make my favorite baked goods, such as rolls, cookies, cakes, and brownies. I love my Kitchen Aid! It was my favorite wedding gift. Because the bowl can hold so much, I often make too much for my husband and I to eat, which usually means we either have to have friends over to help us eat whatever I have made, or my visiting teachees get lots of

This is the only small appliance that is allowed to say out on the counter at my apartment. It would be a waste of time to have to get it out and put it away with how often I use it.yummy things.

Cell Phone-

My cell phone is used on a daily basis, and when I don't have it, well, it's a bad day. Mostly I use it to send text messages to friends and family. If you were to take a look at the call log you would see almost daily calls to my husband, Matt, and my mom. If you were to listen to the messages saved, you would find a message from my little brother that he left on my phone from the day before he went into the MTC, almost a year ago. The pictures would show you some random things about me. There are some comparison pictures, that have been sent to my husband and mom to get their opinion on shower curtains, as well as pictures of funny things my family has done over the past 2 years. Even the interior banner would say something about me, it says "matt loves brynn".

Wedding Ring-

This ring says a surprising amount about me. It's on the more modest size, not too flashy, but with just enough sparkle, which is just how I like it! It is also getting worn on the back side from me wearing it all the time, the only time I take it off is when I'm sleeping or doing something sticky.

4th of July and a New Hair Cut

So the 4th of July was an interesting day here in Moscow. (Sorry there are no pictures, the camera battery died) We had the day off of school thanks to Professor Kelly telling the Academy that we would not be having class, since it's an American holiday. Matt decided that he wanted to take me on a lunch date, but we didn't know where we wanted to go. All we knew was that we didn't want another McDonalds hamburger. It was decided that we would hunt down some authentic, american texmex in celebration of our wonderful country. We looked on line to find out where we could find some, and found a restaurant that looked promising. We set of on our search, and found the address with ease. However, the restaurant was no where in sight. We went up to someone working there and asked, the restaurant is no longer there, now it's an Uzbek place. Not quite what we were feeling for the 4th. So we decided that we would just go to the Hard Rock Cafe and eat lunch there. Well we got there, sat down and started to drool, I mean look over the menu. We were starving by this point and then right before the waiter came to take our order I happened to look at the prices. HOLY CRAP! It was super expensive. But by this time we were so hungry and we just wanted good ole fashioned American/Mexican food. So we ordered Nachos and a chicken pineapple quesadilla . Oh man. It was SO GOOD! Once we were done we went and met up with our friends at Dunkin Doughnuts for some chocolaty goodness. mmmmmmm! Oh, and the Dunkin Doughnuts was AIR CONDITIONED! I didn't want to leave, but we decided to go and meet up with some other people from our group and join in the watermelon picnic at the park along the river. We sat there, being somewhat loud, obnoxious Americans celebrating our Nation's freedom and our love of America by singing God Bless America, The Star Spangled Banner, This Land is My Land, and any other patriotic song we could think of. As the sun started to set, when we would have been hunkering down on a blanket to watch fireworks had we been in the states, we left the park and decided that there was only one thing that would fulfill our America craving. A Frosty with French Fries. Let me tell you, it was FANTASTIC! I think the frosties here might be even better than they are at home, or maybe we just think they are.

On the 5th of July, Lauren and I had had it with our hair. Her's is cut short usually, but was getting too long, and mine was long, and getting even longer and hotter and heavier. So what did we do? We went and got our hair cut! We took our fearless husbands with us so we didn't have to speak, and then we went to the salon that is just around the corner from the apartment that Matt and I live in. Lauren went first, and they did a great job with her hair, especially for just having a couple of pictures to go off of. Then it was my turn. I'd been wearing my hair up to keep it off my neck, because it's so hot and humid here. So when they asked how long my hair was, i don't think they believed me when I told them it was past my shoulders. Then they asked how much I wanted cut off and I showed them this picture. I love the style of her hair! They looked at me like I was kinda crazy, but once I pulled my hair down then I think they started to understand! The lady who was cutting my hair just kept holding it up and looking at the curls and saying how beautiful they were. After she was finished cutting my hair, she tried to style it.

But she didn't put any product in it at all before she started to blow dry it. Curly hair-product+blow dryer= Kinda Scary. Way puffy, I think I could have styled it into a fro if I'd tried.

But after a shower, some mouse and hairspray, and THEN the hair dryer, I ended up with this, which I think looks much better! And it looks even better when it's fully dry, in my opinion. Thus far it has been great! I can wear my hair down and show off my curls, and i don't get too hot! Matt likes it too, which is a plus.